Sans Pants From June 2007

Subject My demise.

DateCreated 6/5/2007 3:47:00 PM

PostedDate 6/6/2007 4:12:00 AM

 

Good afternoon my 3 devoted readers.  You know who u are.

My name is Emilee and I am a walking example of Murphy’s Law.  That's right. Everything that could go wrong, is going wrong.  I fear it will continue on this tumultuous path, stopping at nothing short... *(Dramatic pause)*... of my demise.

I'm not going to go into every detail beginning from 2 weeks before the move out here up until this point.  I won't bore you with the little things that have added up such as my car not starting on my first day of work at my new "job."  Or how it's been nearly 2 months since the bid was put in on our house in Michigan and now the supposed buyer is MIA and still hasn't come close to closing...leaving us to continue paying an undisclosed amount on that house as well as this one.   I won't elaborate on the constant headaches that no medicine can subdue - everyday suffocating my brain, or the immobilizing pain that is constantly taking its toll leading me to believe that my sinuses and allergies have banded forces and are hijacking my nasal cavities...also seizing at nothing short of my demise.

Nor will I ramble on about the long lonely drive to and from Wisconsin next week in which I am to drive my vehicle with its questionable mechanics ( it sometimes doesn't start...) and also no cell phone. But I'm sure if I happened to be stranded on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere there will be some nice, hairy, imbread, not psychotic in the least, Billy Bob there to help me out...

Let's not talk about any of those things.  That'll only depress and bring down. 

Instead, we are going to turn our attention towards the positive.

I returned home from an exhausting three hour shift at Applebee’s.  I'm glad the shifts are short because breaking in my New, uniform required, slip resistant, Wal-Mart shoes was a job all in itself.

Upon entering thru the garage, I surveyed my not so clean house and realized something needed to be done...And it needed to be done Sans Pants (If you don't know by now the distain I have for pants, than you don't me at all.  Accept it or get out).

I first walked around the house - made sure the blinds were done - and decided to have a little fun with myself.
NO! WRONG!

Completely incorrect wording. Not like that.
I decided to have some completely appropriate ME time (sans pants).  I put on my favorite girly mix C.D.  I had a plan.  I was going to blare the chic music and during each song, clean one room.   If I finished cleaning before the song was over - I would then proceed to grab an object within my reach and use it as a microphone in front of the nearest mirror.  You know u may think I'm weird, but haven't you seen Charlie's Angels?  Cameron Diaz had so much fun making her bed in the morning while doing a little dance. You want to know why all that was fun? No pants. 

I have to say, it was wonderful.  Now, I have relaxed Sans Pants before - it's always enjoyable- but I don't think I have ever completed typical household activities in the middle of the day.  How liberating!

I decided to take it to the next level.  I called my friend Sami, unbeknownst to her I was in as little as possible (it would just freak her out) and I decided to head outside for a smoke. That's right, Ladies...Sans Pants, Outdoors style.

I poked my head out the backdoor for a quick look and decided it was safe to move to my "smoking chair."

You know, it kind of felt like streaking, but with a more cool and confident dignity. Plus I have a tall fence around the back yard. If anyone wanted to, they could easily open the door or look through the cracks.   I risked it. Why? Because I'm a risk taker.  I often venture into the unknown for the sake of exploring what man (and woman) kind are too afraid to know.  Christopher Columbus, Napoleon, BuZz Aldron, The Emma.

I felt like I had reached a higher state of mind than the rest of ignorant society - no offense.  I'm not gonna lie. I became a little arrogant whilst resting majestically in my backyard. Sitting outside in my tank top & bottoms on a really freakin hot Mississippi day felt wonderful.  And my legs are blindingly white.  

So far, just a typical day, Sans pants.

I headed back inside to load the dishwasher, singing as a worked "To the left, to the left, ohhh. To the left, to the left. U must not know 'bout me, U must not know 'bout me" Yeah, Beyonce ain't got shit on me (except talent, But talent is in the ear of the beholder, and at the moment I was that beerholder)

I then decided it was time for a little Donkey Kong...Sans Pants.

That's what I've been doing up until now, but my Nintendo thumb gets callused when I play to long so I'm giving it a break.

Also I hear the garage door which means I must return back to my fully clothed state and once again conform with the rest of clothed society.

But there is a lesson, ladies, and I'm going to point it out for you.

Many of us don't really have the time or money for a vacation whenever we need it.   Many of us deserve one every week or so, but that's not realistic...or is it?

I have discovered a new world! A world where you can set your problems aside, be a whole new person, a world Sans Pants!  I believe a world Sans pants is a world Sans Problems!  Leave the problems in the pockets, I say. 

However - A couple rules. 

Don't abuse it and don't bring your friends with u. That's just creepy.